I'm peeling like I have a rare skin disease. Literally skin is peeling off. Like inch long pieces.
I can't believe I was persuaded to go tanning. The girl I went with is a beautiful natural looking girl. Could be a model if she had that personality type. Dark hair, dark eyes, bright pink lips, and a very fair complexion. I'm tan and get dark easily so when she set her bed for 21 minutes I thought 30 would be fine for myself. 8 days later I'm peeling skin off of my ass and my bed looks like Hannibal lectar's beat off sanctuary....
On a lighter note, I'm going to try and fuck my hair stylist and try to refuck my old one as well. I shot her a text and the buying temperature is golden.
... She actually just sent me a text... Maybe I'll have a sex report tomorrow
-Faceless
1/06/2009
1/04/2009
Waste of a Day
Wow, sleeping through an alarm and missing and appointment has never felt so good. Luckily it was just a haircut. Hopefully my sexy stylist can get over it.
Another ridiculous dream. I was back in high school and walked past two fat, ugly, black haired slobs playing dungeons and dragons and asked if being a fat ass gives +2 defense. They got up and talked some shit and the next second I was boxing some kid I used to make fun of in junior high.... I'm just glad my dreams progressed past the claustrophobic level....
In case you're interested, the dream signs would be: 1. The random cameo of some Jr high asshole. 2. the ridiculousness of the situation. 3. The fact that any Dungeons and dragons weirdo would ever pick a fight not involving a game controller or cards
... a more intellectual post tomorrow, I promise
-Faceless
Another ridiculous dream. I was back in high school and walked past two fat, ugly, black haired slobs playing dungeons and dragons and asked if being a fat ass gives +2 defense. They got up and talked some shit and the next second I was boxing some kid I used to make fun of in junior high.... I'm just glad my dreams progressed past the claustrophobic level....
In case you're interested, the dream signs would be: 1. The random cameo of some Jr high asshole. 2. the ridiculousness of the situation. 3. The fact that any Dungeons and dragons weirdo would ever pick a fight not involving a game controller or cards
... a more intellectual post tomorrow, I promise
-Faceless
Book
I've been kicking around the idea of a particular theme of a book I would love to write sometime in the future. It centers around the two polarities of human existence and the journey taken to tap into both.
For now I'm gonna go to bed early to make up for watching today's sunrise sleepless
- Faceless
For now I'm gonna go to bed early to make up for watching today's sunrise sleepless
- Faceless
1/02/2009
The Dreamworld
Lucid dreaming: "being aware you are dreaming while dreaming."
This topic is one I experimented with in depth for a long period of time. I kept a daily dream journal, recognized my dream signs, and achieved a state while dreaming where I could mold the dreamworld however I saw fit. Since then I slowly fell out of the lucid dreaming habit but would like to think I maintain an above average amount of control over my dreams resulting in a very small amount of unpleasant ones. Last night was the first time I have felt completely out of control in my dreams in a very long time.
The first dream began in an asian country's airport where I apparently was trying to smuggle something with two other men. While the details are a bit hazey now, I do recall that the item was simply a sleeping bag. When something went wrong, I tried to salvage the situation but the other two men lost their shit and gave away our plan. I was grabbed by three airport officers instantly and the dream blacked out.
When I awoke, I was in a cell with no windows, doors or any other opening other than a small metal toilet in one corner. The walls were white tile and I looked around while laying on my back. The dimensions of the cell looked about 7x8 but the catch was the cell was only about 4 ft tall resulting in a constant state of crouching, even while on my knees. I spent days in this cell without food or even a single contact from my detainers or any idea how long I would be there. I felt the true meaning of losing hope and immediately the dream ended.
The next dream would best be described as a mixture between the Columbine shootings and a large scale invasion... While this sounds ridiculous on paper, in the dreamworld the vivid details of the situation suck you more into the moment, forfeiting the logical side of the brain for a fight or flight response. I was in a large building, seemingly a college campus, where hundreds of students were taken at gunpoint out to different parts of the "campus". Somehow I got word minutes before and grabbed a hammer to slide into my waist before taken hostage. When assembled in a small group, I felt the strange, eerie "6th sense" of death approaching. The men taking us hostage began acting different and all leaving and reentering the room as if discussing different things outside of our earshot. I leaned one direction to show several people sitting next to me my concealed hammer and motioned towards the single guard in the room.
In an instant, I launched to my feet and dug the sharp end into the neck of the guard as many times as I could before he fell to his knees. Somehow I knew one of the others had knowledge of the campus so I followed him quickly into a bathroom. Once again, the bathroom was all white tile and the only thing decorating the walls were small mirrors where I could see myself holding the bloody hammer. From here the escape was through a maze of white tile tunnels seemingly getting smaller and smaller in diameter until I finally awoke for real...
The dreams signs are the obvious white tile rooms, low ceilings, and lack of windows.
The Themes are the claustrophobic feelings, the feeling of being chased, the survival response
What does this mean? In psychology, studies have shown that over 70% of dreams involve being chased, feelings of inadequacy, or falling. Maybe it was just my time to have these vivid negative dreams...
Or maybe there is something/someone/somewhere constricting me in my life that needs to be cut loose. Or endured.
In the end who knows. I'll think more on this later today.
-Faceless
This topic is one I experimented with in depth for a long period of time. I kept a daily dream journal, recognized my dream signs, and achieved a state while dreaming where I could mold the dreamworld however I saw fit. Since then I slowly fell out of the lucid dreaming habit but would like to think I maintain an above average amount of control over my dreams resulting in a very small amount of unpleasant ones. Last night was the first time I have felt completely out of control in my dreams in a very long time.
The first dream began in an asian country's airport where I apparently was trying to smuggle something with two other men. While the details are a bit hazey now, I do recall that the item was simply a sleeping bag. When something went wrong, I tried to salvage the situation but the other two men lost their shit and gave away our plan. I was grabbed by three airport officers instantly and the dream blacked out.
When I awoke, I was in a cell with no windows, doors or any other opening other than a small metal toilet in one corner. The walls were white tile and I looked around while laying on my back. The dimensions of the cell looked about 7x8 but the catch was the cell was only about 4 ft tall resulting in a constant state of crouching, even while on my knees. I spent days in this cell without food or even a single contact from my detainers or any idea how long I would be there. I felt the true meaning of losing hope and immediately the dream ended.
The next dream would best be described as a mixture between the Columbine shootings and a large scale invasion... While this sounds ridiculous on paper, in the dreamworld the vivid details of the situation suck you more into the moment, forfeiting the logical side of the brain for a fight or flight response. I was in a large building, seemingly a college campus, where hundreds of students were taken at gunpoint out to different parts of the "campus". Somehow I got word minutes before and grabbed a hammer to slide into my waist before taken hostage. When assembled in a small group, I felt the strange, eerie "6th sense" of death approaching. The men taking us hostage began acting different and all leaving and reentering the room as if discussing different things outside of our earshot. I leaned one direction to show several people sitting next to me my concealed hammer and motioned towards the single guard in the room.
In an instant, I launched to my feet and dug the sharp end into the neck of the guard as many times as I could before he fell to his knees. Somehow I knew one of the others had knowledge of the campus so I followed him quickly into a bathroom. Once again, the bathroom was all white tile and the only thing decorating the walls were small mirrors where I could see myself holding the bloody hammer. From here the escape was through a maze of white tile tunnels seemingly getting smaller and smaller in diameter until I finally awoke for real...
The dreams signs are the obvious white tile rooms, low ceilings, and lack of windows.
The Themes are the claustrophobic feelings, the feeling of being chased, the survival response
What does this mean? In psychology, studies have shown that over 70% of dreams involve being chased, feelings of inadequacy, or falling. Maybe it was just my time to have these vivid negative dreams...
Or maybe there is something/someone/somewhere constricting me in my life that needs to be cut loose. Or endured.
In the end who knows. I'll think more on this later today.
-Faceless
1/01/2009
New Years Resolutions and Their Explanation= Good News for Faceless Readers (if there are any)
The idea of New years resolutions usually bugs the shit out of me. It's generally a list of things that never really get accomplished and are forgotten by February. When making my list for 2009, I thought a lot about why this is for me and the general population. I believe that while there are many reasons, two of the most significant are: 1. The person is afraid of their own success/ not willing to take the long way to achieve it 2. The goals are general and therefore run the risk of being compromised by self sabotaging thoughts (ie quit smoking= "i was drunk so it didn't count). To combat these I have made general goals accompanied by specific contingencies for various cases. My list is as follows:
1. Strive to be the best in the different areas of my life accepting only the best out of myself and people around me.
2. Live life in the uncomfortable zone
3. Get back to reading everyday
4. Update my blog daily (or as close to it as physically possible) to practice my writing.
5. Finalize my real estate license
6. Find legitimate internship
Breakdown.
Being the best is something I go in and out of. The feeling of being the best and accomplishing goals laid in front of me is a feeling I love to the depths of my soul. That said, the busyness and lack of schedule currently in my life cloud the things which really matter. There are many times that watching a TV show sounds much better than getting an early jump on a paper or pursuing the girls which i want to have in my life.
- Solution: First off, drugs and alcohol are getting in the way. I've cut out all but one drug in my daily life and the difference is a much clearer head, more energy, and no more addictions... As for the booze situation, I've been trying to learn to be ok with being sober around a party scene and still have a good time. With my work I'm out 2+ times a week in bars and clubs and if I drink every time it really fucks up my productivity the next day.
Taking the long way to reach my goals: Growing up I was rarely considered the best at the various sports and other extra curriculars I took part in. Honestly, historically I take the easy way out of situations. This affects both my goal of being the best and also living life in the uncomfortable zone. Part of the reason may be rooted in self worth issues ect but moving forward I want to push myself in school, mma, girls, and all social situations. While there are countless shortcut methods to everything in life, I'm beginning to realize that shorcuts never really teach you the topic as a whole; they simply give you a surface level amount of knowledge. To be the best, I want to take the long way in each part of my life and put in the extra effort to master the things around me.
For class this is very specific. Start things several days earlier than i do, take professors up on their office hours, do hw when i get back from class and my memory is fresh etc.
As for now I'm gonna go start reading the 500 page Real Estate book I've been putting off.
See you tomorrow
-Faceless
1. Strive to be the best in the different areas of my life accepting only the best out of myself and people around me.
2. Live life in the uncomfortable zone
3. Get back to reading everyday
4. Update my blog daily (or as close to it as physically possible) to practice my writing.
5. Finalize my real estate license
6. Find legitimate internship
Breakdown.
Being the best is something I go in and out of. The feeling of being the best and accomplishing goals laid in front of me is a feeling I love to the depths of my soul. That said, the busyness and lack of schedule currently in my life cloud the things which really matter. There are many times that watching a TV show sounds much better than getting an early jump on a paper or pursuing the girls which i want to have in my life.
- Solution: First off, drugs and alcohol are getting in the way. I've cut out all but one drug in my daily life and the difference is a much clearer head, more energy, and no more addictions... As for the booze situation, I've been trying to learn to be ok with being sober around a party scene and still have a good time. With my work I'm out 2+ times a week in bars and clubs and if I drink every time it really fucks up my productivity the next day.
Taking the long way to reach my goals: Growing up I was rarely considered the best at the various sports and other extra curriculars I took part in. Honestly, historically I take the easy way out of situations. This affects both my goal of being the best and also living life in the uncomfortable zone. Part of the reason may be rooted in self worth issues ect but moving forward I want to push myself in school, mma, girls, and all social situations. While there are countless shortcut methods to everything in life, I'm beginning to realize that shorcuts never really teach you the topic as a whole; they simply give you a surface level amount of knowledge. To be the best, I want to take the long way in each part of my life and put in the extra effort to master the things around me.
For class this is very specific. Start things several days earlier than i do, take professors up on their office hours, do hw when i get back from class and my memory is fresh etc.
As for now I'm gonna go start reading the 500 page Real Estate book I've been putting off.
See you tomorrow
-Faceless
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