- it has been due for quite some time. I need to get everything tuned up to make sure it all is up to speed when i get back into the busy school week.
2. Clean my car out
- I cannot believe i haven't cleaned it since I moved out of my place a month ago. That about defines procrastination
3. Sell my wheels and get my car more stock
- With the wheel setup now, I'm constantly stared down by every cop and looked at by every driver on the road. It's pretty flashy and sporty but most of all the setup is low as fuck. I'm talking not being able to put your finger in between the tire and wheel well low. So low speed bumps take me a significant amount of time low.
4. Pick out some furniture
- My place is going to be costly any way you look at it. I hate that. I hate spending money that isn't mine. I hate not being self sufficient. I hate not having a home base that is my domain apart from anyone else in the world.
5. Continue to get lean
- I cheated for a week and gained some lbs. Time to whip my ass into shape to get ready for fighting and girls
6. Go to six Flags
-These tickets need using. I have 2 that are sitting waiting to be used
So in the recent weeks I've seen more movies than I can remember. I'm a near expert on sifting through bullshit for movies and analyzing them from a real perspective.
- Public Enemies:
Not that great. I was really disappointed. Depp missed the mark with his character which further solidifies my theory that he kills it at strange characters but the more normal the character, the harder it is to take him seriously. Dillinger's story is golden. It's unfortunate that it was butchered.
- Funny People:
I wanted to not see this movie so badly and let the mystery be my only knowledge of it. Unfortunately I was correct in assuming the idea of following around a successful fake comedian would sound better than it would be. The acting is above average. The story is terrible. In the first half I laughed constantly but by the end I walked out feeling like shit, especially with an ending that does not even attempt to give resolution.
As much of a weirdo as Tom Cruise is, I have always liked his acting. He has a strong and dominant personality in real life that is perfect for main character male roles. Obviously the plot was limited to the historical story it was loosely based on but the suspense was still high and to see how primitively governments were run 50 years ago was interesting. Overall I really enjoyed it.
Honestly, the level of gayness is so high in this movie I was uncomfortable. I have spent time with countless gay people, been friends with several, support whatever gay rights people desire (as long as we're talking equal and not greater like in the case of affirmative action), but this movie still was so unbelievably gay that it shocked me. I honestly did not know you could put a 5 minute scene of just a cock and get an R rating.... That said I thought it was hilarious. As shocked and appalled as I was, I think Sacha Cohen is a genius and could not get enough of people's reactions to his character. I have a lot of respect for the amount of danger and dedication he put into this movie but now I have to wonder; What is next? What could he possibly do that could top the last two? I mean we're talking about at one point saying to a terrorist that his leader looks like a homeless santa.... I can't wait for the next one
Loved and hated this movie. Muhammad Ali is a hero of mine and I reread quotes of his on a regular basis to motivate me. His story is inspirational and it is the perfect tale of a winner. That said, he is kind of a prick. The movie captures only part of that and skews it to make it look like he was always like that. Only those around him can attest to what he's like in private but many of his later interviews give the listener a deeper view of Ali that paints a different picture than that portrayed in the movie. I loved it for its illustration of the multiple things he went through and in what sequence but hated it for his portrayal and weak boxing scenes.
Wow the girls in downtown fullerton are killer. With close to zero effort i opened about 5 different girls. I'm positive that with a little motivation (aka no fucking twice today) i could've pulled back to my boy's house with a chick that was at least an 8. I'm gonna further explore these options by the end of summer. My buddy's both had to get up for work so instead we focused on drug doing instead of chick pulling. My game is geared toward pushing myself out of my comfort zone so i'm sure I will pull a chick or two back in the next month (the end of summer). I can't wait. And the best part is many of the chicks giving me eye contact were asian, and any person that knows me well knows i have yellow fever. p.s. I'm heading to dinner tomorrow with all my old buddies from high school. I wang to fuck my ex best friend but I guess we'll see what options make themselves available. I was working some game on a girl i hooked up with a loooong time ago and she seemed pretty receptive (especially since she's had a long term relationship). I want to dick her to make up for the chance i had but passed up.
p.p.s. My ex gf is planning on being in playboy in the next month or so. I'll keep you fools updated
In a lot of ways I'm back where I started in college. The difference is the experiences I've had in between had made me a much more respectable person. I plan on living by myself the next year and honestly cannot wait. It definitely has occurred to me the whole loneliness aspect but I realized that my problem is not a fear of being alone, but rather a "fear of missing out", or FoMo. When I look at my friends situation, I realize that I have distanced myself (both on purpose and inadvertently) through my actions over the course of the last year or so. Despite this situation, I made a promise to myself to focus on success my last two years of college with friends being a bonus time passer and not vice versa. I'm in college with a goal in mind of learning what I can and acknowledging my fear of being left out of other people's lives has forced me to reevaluate the lives of my friends. They are fucking losers. No direction, can't be trusted, shady, drug addicted, motivation lacking. Strangely I still feel compelled to spend time with these people. I have torched those bridges to the ground and have emerged strong and happy in the midtst of it all.
Some random Muhammad Ali quotes that have spoken to me a lot lately:
"I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round"
"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen"
the affirmations I have been repeating are:"I am the greatest, I am the smartest, I work the Hardest".
-by the end of July i will have a six pack. I'm pretty shredded now and i've been taking lifting pretty seriously the last month or so. Either way I want to look back and be able to say there was a time when i had six pack abs, especially in the midst of the obesity situation.
-by the end of summer i will have started a company. I have many ideas in the shoot. Several I want to try and license, others i want to market myself. If i fail miserably I'm not that worried.
here's an amazing quote by the founder of IBM: "You want to know the fastest route to success? Double your rate of failure" That's exactly what i plan to do
- finish the fine points of my real estate license by the end of summer. I've lagged a bit but the good news is the worst that can happen is have it suspended until I take one dismal online class.
Thats it for now.
PS. I got a ticket yesterday for use of my cell phone while driving. I don't remember the officer's name offhand but he can suck my dick. Thanks
Is it because it makes my dick not work in high doses? -No.
The Hangover? - That's less than pleasant but I have a tried and true remedy at this juncture.
Makes you fat? - Only if you drink beer regularly, exercise rarely and have a poor diet. I'm sure 2/3 would be enough though
*THE #1 reason I hate drinking is because of alcohol's effect on sleep. I sit here wide awake at 6 in the morning after passing out, only to be woken 2.5 hours later. - The reason? I'm no doctor so this is all conjecture but I believe that my high metabolism is even higher when it comes to booze. I have literally had many blackout, shithouse crazy, piss in the pool nights where I have woken up 3 hours later completely sober and completely hungover. What makes this scenario worse is that I have terrible hangovers that take a supplement regiment to cure.
There is a silver lining though. When I'm at the bar with friends all it really takes is a red bull and a couple drinkless games of pool for me to back in sober condition.
Enough about that.
My ex-girlfriend's ex-roommate (Who I've been wanting to do dirty things to for quite some time) texted me today out of the blue to inform me of the sex dream she had with me. I have heard many reports that she is a notorious cock tease but then again we have had sex at the same time in different rooms with people we just met. So whatever that means. I think with the perfect calibration of "this is what I want" and "it can be our secret", this might turn into a sexy ordeal.
Wow. I promised to post every day for the new year i believe. That plan went to shit and I almost forgot about the blog completely. Let me catch you up to speed...
In the last 6 months I developed a drug addiction, dealt with a bipolar serious relationship, finished a year of school while adding a major, figured out a little more what i want to do with my life, found an amazing diet and exercise plan, partied a lot and went through the worst opiate induced withdrawals imaginable.
Where does that leave me now? - I'm not sure what other worldly indulging is out there other than what i've done. I'm sure there are some but living everything from a DJ, drug dealer, drug addict, partyanimal, model fucker, etc I would consider myself well adjusted to the shallower side of things. - Where that leaves me now is literally back at square one. Full circle. I'm back to being focused on life success and doing things to build a lifestyle of wealth, flexibility and true experiences. - I'm currently narrowing down my list of internet businesses in which i want to enter and plan on capitalizing on a basic system - I want to write part time (part of the reason this blog is so important). To do this I'm going to make a real effort to post often to flex my writing skills - I want to bust my ass and graduate with a double major while maintaining good grades. B's or better. 3.5 if all goes to plan
that's it for now. I'll keep you updated on my progress
I'm peeling like I have a rare skin disease. Literally skin is peeling off. Like inch long pieces.
I can't believe I was persuaded to go tanning. The girl I went with is a beautiful natural looking girl. Could be a model if she had that personality type. Dark hair, dark eyes, bright pink lips, and a very fair complexion. I'm tan and get dark easily so when she set her bed for 21 minutes I thought 30 would be fine for myself. 8 days later I'm peeling skin off of my ass and my bed looks like Hannibal lectar's beat off sanctuary....
On a lighter note, I'm going to try and fuck my hair stylist and try to refuck my old one as well. I shot her a text and the buying temperature is golden.
... She actually just sent me a text... Maybe I'll have a sex report tomorrow
Wow, sleeping through an alarm and missing and appointment has never felt so good. Luckily it was just a haircut. Hopefully my sexy stylist can get over it.
Another ridiculous dream. I was back in high school and walked past two fat, ugly, black haired slobs playing dungeons and dragons and asked if being a fat ass gives +2 defense. They got up and talked some shit and the next second I was boxing some kid I used to make fun of in junior high.... I'm just glad my dreams progressed past the claustrophobic level....
In case you're interested, the dream signs would be: 1. The random cameo of some Jr high asshole. 2. the ridiculousness of the situation. 3. The fact that any Dungeons and dragons weirdo would ever pick a fight not involving a game controller or cards
I've been kicking around the idea of a particular theme of a book I would love to write sometime in the future. It centers around the two polarities of human existence and the journey taken to tap into both.
For now I'm gonna go to bed early to make up for watching today's sunrise sleepless
Lucid dreaming: "being aware you are dreaming while dreaming."
This topic is one I experimented with in depth for a long period of time. I kept a daily dream journal, recognized my dream signs, and achieved a state while dreaming where I could mold the dreamworld however I saw fit. Since then I slowly fell out of the lucid dreaming habit but would like to think I maintain an above average amount of control over my dreams resulting in a very small amount of unpleasant ones. Last night was the first time I have felt completely out of control in my dreams in a very long time.
The first dream began in an asian country's airport where I apparently was trying to smuggle something with two other men. While the details are a bit hazey now, I do recall that the item was simply a sleeping bag. When something went wrong, I tried to salvage the situation but the other two men lost their shit and gave away our plan. I was grabbed by three airport officers instantly and the dream blacked out.
When I awoke, I was in a cell with no windows, doors or any other opening other than a small metal toilet in one corner. The walls were white tile and I looked around while laying on my back. The dimensions of the cell looked about 7x8 but the catch was the cell was only about 4 ft tall resulting in a constant state of crouching, even while on my knees. I spent days in this cell without food or even a single contact from my detainers or any idea how long I would be there. I felt the true meaning of losing hope and immediately the dream ended.
The next dream would best be described as a mixture between the Columbine shootings and a large scale invasion... While this sounds ridiculous on paper, in the dreamworld the vivid details of the situation suck you more into the moment, forfeiting the logical side of the brain for a fight or flight response. I was in a large building, seemingly a college campus, where hundreds of students were taken at gunpoint out to different parts of the "campus". Somehow I got word minutes before and grabbed a hammer to slide into my waist before taken hostage. When assembled in a small group, I felt the strange, eerie "6th sense" of death approaching. The men taking us hostage began acting different and all leaving and reentering the room as if discussing different things outside of our earshot. I leaned one direction to show several people sitting next to me my concealed hammer and motioned towards the single guard in the room.
In an instant, I launched to my feet and dug the sharp end into the neck of the guard as many times as I could before he fell to his knees. Somehow I knew one of the others had knowledge of the campus so I followed him quickly into a bathroom. Once again, the bathroom was all white tile and the only thing decorating the walls were small mirrors where I could see myself holding the bloody hammer. From here the escape was through a maze of white tile tunnels seemingly getting smaller and smaller in diameter until I finally awoke for real...
The dreams signs are the obvious white tile rooms, low ceilings, and lack of windows. The Themes are the claustrophobic feelings, the feeling of being chased, the survival response
What does this mean? In psychology, studies have shown that over 70% of dreams involve being chased, feelings of inadequacy, or falling. Maybe it was just my time to have these vivid negative dreams...
Or maybe there is something/someone/somewhere constricting me in my life that needs to be cut loose. Or endured.
In the end who knows. I'll think more on this later today.
The idea of New years resolutions usually bugs the shit out of me. It's generally a list of things that never really get accomplished and are forgotten by February. When making my list for 2009, I thought a lot about why this is for me and the general population. I believe that while there are many reasons, two of the most significant are: 1. The person is afraid of their own success/ not willing to take the long way to achieve it 2. The goals are general and therefore run the risk of being compromised by self sabotaging thoughts (ie quit smoking= "i was drunk so it didn't count). To combat these I have made general goals accompanied by specific contingencies for various cases. My list is as follows:
1. Strive to be the best in the different areas of my life accepting only the best out of myself and people around me.
2. Live life in the uncomfortable zone
3. Get back to reading everyday
4. Update my blog daily (or as close to it as physically possible) to practice my writing.
5. Finalize my real estate license
6. Find legitimate internship
Being the best is something I go in and out of. The feeling of being the best and accomplishing goals laid in front of me is a feeling I love to the depths of my soul. That said, the busyness and lack of schedule currently in my life cloud the things which really matter. There are many times that watching a TV show sounds much better than getting an early jump on a paper or pursuing the girls which i want to have in my life.
- Solution: First off, drugs and alcohol are getting in the way. I've cut out all but one drug in my daily life and the difference is a much clearer head, more energy, and no more addictions... As for the booze situation, I've been trying to learn to be ok with being sober around a party scene and still have a good time. With my work I'm out 2+ times a week in bars and clubs and if I drink every time it really fucks up my productivity the next day.
Taking the long way to reach my goals: Growing up I was rarely considered the best at the various sports and other extra curriculars I took part in. Honestly, historically I take the easy way out of situations. This affects both my goal of being the best and also living life in the uncomfortable zone. Part of the reason may be rooted in self worth issues ect but moving forward I want to push myself in school, mma, girls, and all social situations. While there are countless shortcut methods to everything in life, I'm beginning to realize that shorcuts never really teach you the topic as a whole; they simply give you a surface level amount of knowledge. To be the best, I want to take the long way in each part of my life and put in the extra effort to master the things around me.
For class this is very specific. Start things several days earlier than i do, take professors up on their office hours, do hw when i get back from class and my memory is fresh etc.
As for now I'm gonna go start reading the 500 page Real Estate book I've been putting off.
My posts usually follow a relatively long thought process in which they stir in my mind until I have a specific thing to express. This post is an after thought to the culmination of many things currently happening in my life.
Living in the LA area offers much in the way of culture, experiences, love, substance abuse and most of all opportunities. I've heard it described as the most diverse city in the history of mankind. I don't know for sure if that's true but it is still an awe inspiring idea to digest when thinking about the place you live. In the recent days I've realized that I have been focusing my life much more on the things that pass the time rather than propel me in the right direction. I posted a quote that I will reference again as its importance has been re-realized:
"When you throw a stone into the water, it finds the quickest way to the bottom of the water. It is the same when Siddhartha has an aim, a goal"
I am suddenly motivated when looking at my life as a one chance journey to streamline the stone that is in essence me, eliminating the things to slow my path to my end goals. Substances and time wasting activities have to be cut down drastically and the time saved has to go to a more efficient use. I want so many things out of life that it's hard to swallow it all at once. Most of all I want mastery of my surroundings. That is something that takes time. And that time is what I promise to spend
My thoughts on debating politics with someone are a lot how I feel about the special olympics, even if you win, you're still retarded. That said, my stance on the election is one best described as surprised. Mostly that Obama won and especially in his flawless marketing that took him to a victory. Not to say he's a bad candidate... maybe a little under qualified with lack of experience... But I didn't think that the American people had reached a level where charisma outweighed substance.
I was a Mccain supporter but only by about 2% more than Obama. It just seemed a little too extreme to hand the country over in a time of economic crisis and the biggest financial market meltdown of the century to a man who has never run a business (ie the process of checks and balances) nor has made significant policy changes in his past. That isn't to say he won' rise to the occasion, it's saying he won't have the instincts to make quick decisions. His advisors will have their hands full.
What really sold me were the candidate's speeches and debates. Where Obama promised change and hope, McCain offered tax cuts and market solutions. Where Obama said he would do something and not how, McCain gave specific instances of the steps he would take to achieve it. McCain is about as charismatic as Gilbert Godfried but the substance to his points made me look past the polished exterior and on to what the solutions to our problems will be. He's old as fuck, stiff, has poor body language, a disfigured face and doesn't appeal to black or women voters: He's proper fucked if you look externally. Not only this, but his real downfall (other than the idiot Palin) was that his ties to George Bush were not aggressively marketed against. There was no response to the Obama campaign's message that "McCain voted with the president on issues over 90% of the time". Nobody likes Bush. He will go down as a terrible 8 years in American History. The people are sick of his shit. Why wouldn't you try and distance yourself form that as much as possible?
Either way maybe a little change in the oval office is good. Obama has the Charisma necessary to get the job done. If he can figure out that other 90% like budget and national security I think we might just make it.
PS This is the best political video on the internet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzyT9-9lUyE
Wow, the last 24 hours has been one of the strangest single days I've ever had. It's 4:30 in the morning and I just got back from the ER so I'll do a shorthand list:
1. Constant nausea brought on by either a long bout with the stomach flu, a record long bout with food poisoning, or some other problem in my stomach.
2. Broken up 2 separate instances of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is not funny.... But these instances were a little
3. Threatened to call the cops on a cop... And it worked. I've never told a cop to "get the fuck out of my house and take this cracky slut with you" before. Never thought i would have to
4. Stopped a robbery in progress: some rich drug addict college girls think they can get away with things that are absurd with stories that are even more ridiculous
5. Had to vouch for my dog's alibi: he was literally accused of being an accessory to a crime committed in a cab driver's back seat. Luckily he was keeping my feet warm at the time
6. Watched a girl run through a half inch thick glass door= ER, 3 separate lacerations needing stitches.
...And here I am. Back in bed where it all started with me having the flu. The best part? I had plans to take my parents out to breakfast in a few hours and show them my new house. It currently looks like a homicide scene with blood and glass strewn across the floor and I think my dog caught my flu because there is fresh vomit on my couch. That or a cracky rich girl did it
After my over 2 decades of existence, I feel like I contemplated more about the idea of relationships and male and female interaction over any other topic (with religion in a close second). That said, the older I get, the less this idea of a "relationship" becomes understood. When I was young it was more of a pure ideal that two people would meet and fall in love; from there they would help each other wanting nothing but the best for their significant other. Since then I have experienced and observed things that couldn't be farther from the truth. Some are sex based, co-dependency based, social pressure based, money based, etc.
With that said, what does one do when a truly pure relationship presents itself, but the timing and logistics are so wrong that it seems to hold one person back? The caveman in my brain reverts to its base function with a resounding "Fuck her, find a back up with more appropriate logistics, and move to the next girl". The side that has morals and deep thought suggests "fuck the norm, commit to the road and see where it leads".
As I think about the truth of the situation, I see that the middle ground is easiest, without commitment to either. Maybe a better man would commit to his emotions. Maybe a stronger man would bail on the relationship and fulfill the need to have countless sexual encounters.
I am neither yet so I will commit to no path and try to find one in the middle without neglecting both sides of my personality.
A blog meant for no one other than the author himself (or herself). You will never know who is writing it. The author is just a character within the realm of some other person's mind. I will never talk about it, this is simply a mind dump through the easiest means possible. Shiiit I even created a different email for this bitch. If I were you I would leave now, you're likely to only find the rantings of a person you'll never meet and never know.
If somehow you do happen to figure out who I am however, I'll give you $100 on site. Guaranteed. Just cause I think that would be super random and interesting.